I woke up yesterday morning feeling sad. It was one of the first things I said to my husband. “I’m feeling really sad this morning.” He hugged me and kissed me on the head. It isn’t abnormal for me to say things like this. I have random episodes of anxiety and intense sadness somewhat regularly. But it just felt different.
So I did what I always do when I feel down, I got into the kitchen and started baking. It’s always this battle with myself. Is it healthy to always turn to food for comfort? But like I have said many times before, it is my art. My way of creating. My way of making sense of the world and feeling grounded in it.
While photographing my creation I got a call from my mother with the news that made sense of my seemingly senseless emotions. My grandfather had passed away. I was heart broken.
My grandfather was one of the greatest men I have had the pleasure of knowing. I can’t even express how much I learned about love, hard work, faith, and just life in general from him.
He was definitely a story teller and I loved hearing his stories. I can’t tell you how many times I heard the story of how he and my grandmother met. He proposed to her on the first date but she wouldn’t say yes until the second date and they were married a week later.
And I never got tired of that story. Because every time he told it you could just see the love in their eyes for each other. I’m sure it took a lot of faith to get married after only knowing each other a week, but he just knew. He didn’t have any real doubts that they were going to be together for the rest of their lives. And every day I spent with them growing up, I saw their love for each other very clearly.
I thought about them a lot and what they taught me about love and faith in love when I was getting married. And I feel so honored that he got to walk me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding. Those memories and many many more are so dear to me. He was an amazing grandfather.
And I’m finding myself in the same position I was in last time I posted about donuts. Feeling as though it is so trivial, unimportant, or maybe even inappropriate, given the other much bigger things that are going on. And maybe it is sort of like how many people turn to music or art in these situations. It just feels therapeutic to create. Even if it is just donuts.
- 5 TBSP unsalted butter, softened
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 1 egg
- 1/2 cup milk
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 2 tsp baking powder
- pinch salt
- 1 cup all-purpose flour
- 1/2 cup cocoa powder
- 2 cups powdered sugar
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 1/2 cup whole milk
- Preheat oven to 325ºF
- Lightly oil mini donut pan and set aside (alternatively you can use mini muffin pans)
- In a medium bowl, cream together the butter and sugar
- Add the egg, milk, and vanilla and mix until combined (mixture will look curdled)
- Mix in the baking powder, then the salt
- Mix in the flour and cocoa powder just until combined
- If using mini donut pan, transfer mixture into a piping bag fitted with a large round tip or into a ziplock baggie with the tip cut off. Pipe into the pan only filling ½ of the way fill. If using the mini muffin pan, fill each well ½ full
- Bake at 325ºF for 8-10 minutes
- Allow to cool before glazing.
- Combine the glaze ingredients in a saucepan over medium low heat and whisk until well combined.
- Dip donuts in warm glaze and place them on a cooling rack to set before eating.
Amount Per Serving:Calories: 0