I feel like I need to apologize for my sporadic posting lately. I was beginning to worry that I was losing motivation, losing inspiration, or just plain losing *it*. But I am realizing that none of those things are true. My mind is just preoccupied with other big things going on in my life. Just lots of things, all happening very close together. Exciting, scary, sad, joyous, overwhelming things.
To fill you in a little bit, here is my list of: *Things that are happening in my life that are making it difficult for me to bake but then really want to bake (and eat) dozens of mini donuts the second I have time to do so* (you follow?) Good.
-My husband and I are in the process of moving from Kansas to Philadelphia! Very exciting and stressful. I hate the moving process. I am already an incredibly anxious person and having everything packed in boxes and not knowing where anything is definitely does not help. I will feel so much better once all of our stuff is settled in our new place! Which, by the way, we got an amazing place! I will show pictures once we are settled. We are really excited about it!
-I’m leaving my job at the mental health center. This is obviously because of our move to Philadelphia and is also very sad. I have enjoyed this job very much. My boss is kick ass, my co-workers are amazing, and I have gotten so much fulfillment working with my clients. I have not only learned so much about mental illness and drug and alcohol addictions, but I have also learned a tremendous amount about myself and the world. This job has taught me how to be more compassionate and to see life from various perspectives. So many goodbyes happening this week and I don’t do well with that. Not fun. Not fun at all.
-My grandmother passed away last week. She was such a special lady who took care of me and my sister a lot when we were younger. I have so many amazing memories with her comforting me, doing puzzles with me, teaching me card games, showing me line dances with my grandpa, and teaching me how to bake. The first time I was ever active in the kitchen was with her. She will be greatly missed, but I know she is at peace now. I will always have wonderful memories with her.
-I am saying goodbye to the most amazing group of women I have had in my life in a long time. Over the past year I have built one seriously insane group of friends. I haven’t had close friends that have lived near me is such a long time. And all of a sudden these women showed up in my life when I really needed them. We all just instantly clicked and have been so supportive of each other over these past few months. My heart is breaking to think of being far away from them. I know that I will always have our group texting conversations and skype to help us feel connected, but I am very sad to leave these beautiful women.
-And I know I am not alone in having a difficult time dealing with the other tragic events that happened last week both in Boston and in Texas. Though baking can be very therapeutic, it can also feel very trivial during times like these. I’m standing in my kitchen baking donuts, while other people are mourning the tragic loss of their loved ones? But then I remember, that baking is my art and my creative outlet. And creation is how so many people cope and make sense of the world. It is how we start to move forward.
And I’m guessing that so many of you are going through even more difficult things than I am. That is something that I have been working on remembering. “We are all fighting a tough battle.” I think I, and probably most of us, lose site of that too easily. It is so much easier to support each other, respect each other, and understand one another with this in mind.
And I hope that you have found your art. I believe we all have something. Something that allows us to be creative and free. Something that allows us to make sense of the world and begin to pick up the pieces after we fight those “battles.” I feel very thankful to have found my art in baking.
If you haven’t found yours yet, keep looking and eat some donuts in the meantime.
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Chocolate Filled Mini Donuts (no donut pan required!)