I once heard someone say that with any change that occurs in our lives, there comes a sort of mourning process. The reason for this being is that with any change, be it a good change, a bad change, a big change, or a small change, something is always lost. Even if this something is negative, it is still taken from our lives.
On Wednesday I experienced this in a rather unexpected setting and situation. I was in the dentists chair, already anxious for a root canal I was needing badly. As the Endodontist started inspecting this tooth I could hear in his voice that things did not look good. He informed me that the tooth was too cracked to be saved and that it needed to be pulled. I. Lost. It. Right there in the dentist chair. I was a big blubbering mess of tears and I was horribly embarrassed. I was so not prepared for this news, nor my uncontrollable reaction to this news.
After all was said and done I started thinking about why I freaked out so much about this. It is just a tooth. It isn’t like they told me I had cancer or something. But I think it was just the whole situation and really the loss of control I had in the situation. I had no choice, it HAD to come out. And hey, I’ve had that tooth for a long time. I guess I’m kind of attached to having a mouth full of teeth. I had to remind myself of this mourning process with change to make myself feel much better about the embarrassing reaction I had.
When I got home I was exhausted. Thankfully, I still had one of these brownies left over from earlier in the week. It was just what I needed. Something comforting, yet still not completely indulgent. I know it can be dangerous to always use food as our comfort, but sometimes I feel like you just need to. This day was one of those days…
- ⅓ cup arrowroot powder, (you can sub cornstarch)
- ¼ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- ½ tablespoon natural salt
- 1 tsp baking powder
- ⅓ cup butter, or vegan butter (I recommend Earth Balance)
- 12 ounces dairy free bittersweet chocolate, at least 60%
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 3 eggs or equivalent Energ-G egg replacer
- ¼-1/2 cup honey (not technically vegan), or sweetener of choice (agave, maple syrup, sugar)
- 1 cup toasted pecans, chopped (optional)
- Preheat oven to 350.
- Grease a 9X9 baking dish and set aside.
- In a small bowl, whisk together the arrowroot powder, cocoa powder, salt and baking powder.
- Set up a double boiler (a large heat proof bowl over a pan with simmering water that does not touch the bowl) and put chocolate and butter in the bowl.
- Stir constantly until the chocolate is just melted.
- Stir in the vanilla and eggs until well combined.
- Slowly stir in the dry ingredients. Add sweetener to taste. (I found that ¼ cup of honey was plenty but I enjoy bittersweet chocolate)
- Stir in chopped pecans if using.
- Pour batter and spread evenly into baking dish
- Bake at 350 until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean, about 25-35 minutes.
- Allow to cool before slicing.